I love sleeping in on Sundays, although today I woke up at 8 AM and listened to music and revelled in the coziness of the soft bedsheets, thinking about the day before, how nice it was to see my girlfriends and jump in the pool – a mini-vacation in an ordinary week. Well not so ordinary as there were many extra-ordinary moments – I saw Ellen Degeneres’ last stand-up performance, it was mind-blowing. So great to see her live after being a fan for so many years.
Last night I watched the documentary “A Better Man” which is unlike anything I’d seen before. It is the work of Attiya Khan, Toronto-based advocate for abused women and children, and intimate partner violence survivor. When she was only 17, she met her boyfriend Steve in Ottawa, and for two years was subjected to horrific physical and emotional abuse. At age 19 she leaves him with the help of friends, and years later she finds herself running into Steve in Toronto. She has an idea that would help both herself and other victims of abuse, and eventually Steve agrees to be part of the documentary and revisit the abuse and memories of their time together. I couldn’t believe that she was comfortable sitting beside him, showing compassion towards him throughout the film, even hugging him and thanking him. It is clear that Steve is a different man from the young angry man that inflicted so much pain on her, but still it would be so hard to forgive and let go of that body response that senses danger. He hints at childhood experiences that contributed to his anger and rage, but the movie doesn’t go into details. Attiya is a strong, beautiful compassionate woman who represents something so much larger than the abuse she endured. There are scenes with her now-husband and son that are heartwarming – especially one where her husband hands out white ribbons outside a grocery store to encourage men to become part of a global movement of men and boys working to end male violence against women and girls. We need all the help we can get!
On Friday I had dinner with a girl (now a young woman!) that I used to tutor… when I met her she was just nine years old and now she’s off to university!! We had dinner at Barkat, an Indian restaurant on Queen West, with a white-flowered ceiling. The last time I was there it was for an open mic comedy night… I mentioned that to the owner and he looked worried that he forgotten an event – he said, “The comedy isn’t tonight is it?” I said no it wasn’t (thank God) because all I wanted to do was catch up with old friends and not worry about performance anxiety (or what interesting characters might take the microphone!).
On the way to dinner I saw some beautiful, young artistic types going to an event, so I stopped and asked the guy at the door what was going on. He said that it was a spoken word poetry event! Just my jam, but I was already late for dinner. He said to come back because it was going on until 10 PM. Then he said, “Wait I know you” and I couldn’t remember him, and then he said that he’d seen me perform stand-up (his friend had performed at a show with me). WOW, guess I’m famous!
After dinner, I did go back. The poetry was over but there was live music on the rooftop. The singer LOKRE was performing, with her beautiful voice, accompanied by a chilled-out guitarist. We joined in at some places, singing about healing and love and reaching the finish line (but doesn’t the line just keep moving?). I loved her song about her mother, called Something from Nothing.
Something from Nothing
If my mama ever taught me one thing
It’s how to make something from nothing
You must’ve known it would manifest
When I was a child lying on your chest
I listened close enough to hear
The sound of waves on your journey here
Page after page you’re a testament
To never give up, never giving in
You make it seem like the world’s alright
In another day another lifetime
And funny enough I walked by this sign when leaving the event! Thanks Mom!
She's Come Undone 