Something so Beautiful

I have a show tonight! I’m one of the featured comics at Ladies First TO – it’s their one year birthday anniversary and there will be cake! I love going to this open mic because it’s so supportive and fun – the girls that run it have such good energy. The comics present themselves truthfully and authentically – on the one hand it’s light-hearted, but on the other hand it’s intense because the bar is pretty high. I’m doing some new material in my set tonight about the experience of doing comedy in Toronto over the last couple years.

I had a session with my therapist this morning which was really fascinating. She channels energy and mentioned that in virtual sessions, sometimes odd sounds will arise when she does meditations with clients – sometimes birds, sometimes humming and other sounds. Sure enough, a few minutes in and this strange electrical sound started happening – and then the sound of wind and rain… I thought it was my computer connection gone wonky, but she said after that she heard it too. She said it only comes based on focused attention and is then somehow transmitted virtually. Blew my mind. As usual, I felt calm and grounded after our session. I’m so lucky to have found her. And finding her reminds me of an act of kindness from another therapist who said that she felt I needed a change and recommended that I find someone new. At the time I’d thought – What, you’re breaking up with me?! but then I realized she genuinely wanted the best for me and thought I’d benefit from a different approach (either that or thought I was beyond help haha).

I’m at a cafe and I never understand how people now think it’s ok to watch videos in public, with no headphones! Where has etiquette gone. It’s like a bug in my ear. I’ll just pretend it’s a divine sound being channelled. Ok I gave her a dirty look… I think that worked!

It’s such a beautiful day out… I put on a sweater dress and walked by the water. Debated getting a healthy juice or a cappuccino, and of course it was the latter. Some things never change.

My show in the Junction last month was a big success!! I have to say I’m quite proud of myself – it was sold out, with great comedians, and everyone had an amazing time. Initially I was scared to commit to a February date, but my friend Neesha pushed me because “you just have to do it when things align like that.” And align they did. But along with the alignment came some highly stressful unexpected events, which also ended up working out. I just got the footage from the show the other day, and have been re-watching parts of it and laughing so hard. Trying to skip over one part where I forgot a joke, but really it wasn’t that bad since I recovered. Looking back at it, I think I know what happened. I started talking about my sister and my brother – and I remember having a thought that his baby that was due any day now, and it threw off my concentration! Anyhow I recovered, but it’s still so annoying. This perfectionism reminds me of Gosia… she said that when she finished paintings, she always hated them for a few days. Yet when I walked in and looked at them (even while she was in the middle of them), I was in awe! How could a human produce something so beautiful? And then be so critical about it? Wouldn’t it be great if we could just embrace our gifts without beating them to death.