Week 37. Trying hard to remember last Friday’s walk. :-) I set out and it was a hot day in Kanata, especially for September. My goal was to try out a new café that had just opened up, the Morning Owl. My Dad had told me about it weeks ago and I had been looking forward to going somewhere cool and hip, and somewhere different than Starbucks or Tims. Part of me just wanted to go somewhere familiar, like the Chapters or the library, but I really wanted to try out this new place! I left the house around 3 PM, walked up Weslock, then down Knudson, and then eventually to Canadian Shield Avenue near the Senior’s home. I walked around the bend and beheld the sight of the new café. Isn’t it gorgeous?!
It was really nice inside, and I could tell everyone was friendly even though I wasn’t really in the mood for making friends just then. The owls everywhere brought me back to the time in 2012 when I was on an intuitive high, and had constant flashes of inspiration and designed my tutoring business cards (mathwithmita@gmail.com). I pulled one out of my pocket and it filled me with joy to see those cute symbols of wisdom and all-knowing!
I ordered a fruit salad and sat down on the comfy couches, then I decided to move to a table in order to work. The music was perfect. As I listened to one slow 90’s R&B hit after another, the tears I’d been holding back started to flow. They were playing one of my favourite songs, All Cried Out by Allure. (is it possible to be all cried out, or do the tears just keep flowing? kind of like Sita in Sita Sings the Blues… her tears fill the ocean).
All alone on a Sunday morning
Outside I see the rain is falling
Inside I’m slowly dying
But the rain will hide my cryingAnd you, don’t you know my tears will burn the pillow
Set this place on fire ’cause I’m tired of your lies
All I needed was a simple “Hello”
But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear my cryAh, I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure
My heart never knew such pain
And you, you leave me so confused
Now I’m all cried out over you
Writing out these lyrics reminds me of when I was a kid and I used to write out all the lyrics to songs in my diaries when I was going through heartache. I think at the time it was Jayson Titterton, or maybe Andrew Guennette or Jamie Whiteside. Hahah mind you I didn’t actually date any of these people – it was unrequited love – the worst kind! It’s funny how heartache is so universal yet you feel like you’re the only one feeling it so intensely. After a slew of slow songs, my mood perked up when I heard “Don’t turn around” by Ace of Base. I started to sing and even taped myself (I’m sure people thought I was nuts). “If you want to leave, I won’t beg you to stay…and if you gotta go darling, maybe it’s better that way.” I swear, I will start sharing these embarrassing videos again soon. After all, those are always the best ones.
Finally when I got out of my slump, I went over to the bar area to make friends and took a couple pics for the girls sitting there. They were happy and smiling and just loving life. I talked to Nancy, the owner, who is a beautiful, kind woman with those nerdy glasses that somehow still looked sexy on her. She told me about how she’d decided to open up this café to try something new and how excited she was about the future; also this Morning Owl was different than the other Ottawa locations because it’s the only one with a liquor license. I was instantly calmed by her demeanor and how genuine she was. She told me that there would be a grand opening sometime soon with live music and food. She asked if I live in Ottawa, and I told her how my life is in flux right now, and that I’m looking for work, ideally in Toronto but lately I’ve been pretty confused about what’s best for me. I think I’m just going to keep applying and trust that I’ll make the right decision when the time comes. Nancy told me about her friend who recently moved from Toronto who is a project manager at Canada Post. She said she would pass on my resume to her – so nice of her! (update: her friend passed the resume to a recruiter who contacted me this morning).
I still haven’t picked out a book for my walks – I was reading Sally Armstrong’s Behind the Veil which I left back in Toronto. However the theme of I AM POWERFUL continues as I meet powerful, amazing women. As I had my latte and chocolate chip cookie, I struck up a conversation with a girl sitting next to me, who looked like she was in her twenties. Funny enough we both had similar stories in terms of going out on a limb and trying something new in terms of creativity and giving up secure jobs. She writes a blog called Kouture Kitten which I encourage you to check out. It’s about faith, fashion, and style. Her writing is edgy, relatable, and flows really well. She writes from her heart. I was so grateful to share that moment with her and had been thinking about her lately. And then the craziest thing happened this morning. As I was writing this post, I researched her blog and came across this post on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/p/BKpE94yA4FS/). I was so touched!! It actually took me a moment to realize that she was talking about me. It is amazing how we can influence people without even knowing it.
Hours passed. I started to blog live from the café, writing about the sounds and the people, what they were wearing, the expressions on their faces. My opinions and thoughts about what was going on around me. I wish I’d had the courage to just post it, but something held me back. I guess it was thinking what each person would think if they happened to read it and came across such detailed descriptions of themselves. Lucky for me I don’t have too many followers!! Hahaha.
As I left, I was in awe of the gorgeous night sky that reminded me of similar ones in South Africa.
Part of me wanted to take the familiar route home, but instead I decided to wander. “Not all who wander are lost” someone once said. I wandered to the overpass that led to the other side of the highway. On the way I met a man named Emmett and we shared a beautiful moment, talking about the full moon and the raccoons that were scurrying about. I went to the food basics, and then my friend Sam called from B.C. We talked for almost 40 minutes all the way home.
She's Come Undone 