Last night I went to the ‘residents only’ Christmas party in my building. The invite said “dress to impress” so I wore a fitted black dress that my Mom had given to me, with black boots and tights, although I really should’ve worn heels and bare legs given that it was just downstairs. I put on a pair of luscious green emerald earrings that my friend gave me for my birthday by designer Shay Lowe, and got so many compliments on them.

I recognized a bunch of people from previous parties, and of course the building staff who are all so friendly. It’s amazing what you discover in conversation! One girl said that she’s an amateur comedian and goes to open mic nights all the time – I’m going to join her for the next one! And another has a connection to Hasan Minhaj. Loved hearing about what brought people to this place, some came from India, a beautiful lady from Nigeria, and others just from around the corner somewhere in T.O. One of the concierge staff came from India to do her Masters here and she travels over 2 hours on transit each morning to get to work.

This morning I woke up, had french toast with raspberries and maple syrup, and watched a bit of the movie Something from Tiffany’s. It’s actually super cute, unlike the The Noel Diary, which is 2 hours of my life that I’ll never get back. I don’t care how hot Justin Hartley is (and damn he is hot), it’s just a ridiculous movie. I find that many movies these days glamourize cheating, as if one hot night together because you just become overwhelmed by this strong have-to-have-you-now feeling is so worth it. Ugh. Why don’t they just break up with their significant others first and then have the hot night? On a similar note, I watched It’s Complicated with Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin, also involving cheating but somehow it comes off as endearing because they used to be married?! Anyway, you may wonder why I don’t just switch to something else halfway through the movie, but I am a glutton for punishment (and happy endings).

I was so shocked to hear about Twitch’s suicide this week. During the years when I was off work, living down the hall from the Gosia, I would watch Ellen at 10 AM every morning. I always marvelled at Twitch’s moves, flawless and fun, and how he would teach others to dance. He seemed so humble and grateful to be there. And Ellen’s love for him was palpable. It boggles my mind that he would get to a state where death seemed to be the only option. In the depths of misery, the thought “I want to die” does arise, but to make the leap from the thought to the action seems like such a huge terrain. May he rest in peace, and may we build societies where we feel confident that we can get to the other side of trauma and despair. Tyler Perry’s video on how he felt that his misery was almost like a rite of passage resonated with me.. so glad that he got to the other side of it.

This morning I came across this poem in a folder amidst files and papers that I dumped out from my wicker box:

It’s true isn’t it… in this world of acquiring – titles, designations, fancy things, milestones – we forget about the freedom that comes with learning to lose.

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