Over the Top

The other day I was at my favourite cafe, Arvo, where the barista calls you “Love” and there is fresh butternut squash soup of the day for lunch. And they say “remind me of your name again” because they know they should probably know it by now since you’ve been there countless times before. It’s ok, I forget theirs sometimes too. It’s funny how some cafes are packed while others are empty. Some just have more soul… I say this as a sparrow flutters and pecks its head gazing at me from the table next to me.

I read Beth’s blog the other day – always curious to what’s happening in her writing life and her thoughts on the world. She said something that stuck with me: “How insane of the human animal to spend limited time on this earth hating and murdering.”

It was a reminder not to spend my limited time on earth being sad. Things do seem hopeless right now in so many ways – I can tell I’m really feeling it because it’s hard to finish this sentence. Sometimes when I have a quiet moment I feel the tears well up in my eyes and wordlessly fall, and it’s such a relief. It’s a heaviness that’s palpable, and those attuned to energy can really feel it. At my dance class a couple weeks ago, my joyful dance teacher paused at the beginning and turned to face us and said, “What is that? It feels HEAVY in the room” and it was heavy, because all of our minds were attuned to it. Thankfully the awareness shifted our focus, and pretty soon we were in a world of dance, hips swaying, feet stomping with purpose, wanting to be heard, wanting to make a mark with a steel-toed dance shoe that knows what it wants.

I donated to Doctors Without Borders the other day. I’ve been supporting them throughout the years – they are always on the frontlines providing emergency care and psychological support.

I did another comedy open mic night at the Pour House. It took me a couple days to unhear some of the things I heard that night – basically men and their genital-humour (you get the gist). I did stick it out to the end and had a chance to talk to Danny, the organizer, who said that I had some good material and I should stick to it, maybe even do a one-woman show. Hmmmmm, that is definitely a fun idea. He said that I was a “good-looking human” with clever material and I should continue to work on my unique voice.

Gosia’s birthday was on October 30, and I think all of us that were touched by her felt it. Her mom posted this beautiful picture of her:

When Gosia first shared picture from her trip to Italy in 2017, she said, “I’m indulging in a recent past. I live for such moments. They keep my head above the water. I really wasn’t going to share these pictures because they look so damn happy, they look pretty much perfect, and in life nothing ever is. If anything life has taught me that you have to keep on dancing through the rain. You have to leap from one joy to the next. Recognize it, and if you’re going to do it – might as well just go way over the top.”

I think I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. At first I thought there was a hope in moving past it, but I think the missing is ok, it’s a reminder that people like her are so rare, and in continually missing them, we remember them. Maybe it’s ok to extra-remember her, because she stood for everything this world needs more of. And she guides me in the choices I make every day – to choose beauty, magic, and love, to help others and not be afraid to show the best of my humanity.

I dressed up as Frida Kahlo for Halloween. Gosia and Frida both died at age 47. They were both painters, free in spirit, and experienced a lot of pain and injustice. They both leave an undeniable legacy.

I read somewhere that Frida was the original queen of the selfie. She was her own muse. Again, similar to how Gosia used herself as a muse!!

I think I did a good job with the unibrow! I drew the line at the moustache – I think only Frida could pull that off. The last time I remember having a moustache was when I was a kid and it is definitely not a look I wish to repeat! Frida wanted her facial hair to show because she loved being androgynous – she wanted to experience being both a woman and a man.

I made a friend at a cafe the other day, who partway through our conversation said, “Are you single?” and invited me to a speed dating event that she was hosting that evening. Of course I didn’t want to go but said yes because lately I feel that these chance encounters can’t just be coincidences!, and dragged a friend along. 12 guys, 12 girls, 5 minutes each with the men rotating. It was funny how some guys wanted to know the “biodata” basics – what you did for a living, do you have kids, while others just wanted to chat. Alas, I did not match with anyone and was excited to get take-out afterwards!

I went to the Gaza ceasefire protest last weekend, and happened to walk by Rupi Kaur as I was leaving. She is definitely one that is not afraid to speak out. What stood out to me, in the sea of people chanting, was the contrast of nature, the yellows in the trees, the rust-coloured sunflowers that were yearning for the sun on this cloudy day. The bits of beauty that were longing to be noticed.