A Grand Let Down

I’m really shaken after learning about Alice Munro’s daughter Andrea’s experience and the sexual assault she experienced as a child. I studied Munro’s story The Beggar Maid in a creative writing class at U of T, pouring over the relationship between characters Patrick and Rose, in awe of how Alice Munro could conceive of such relationships and write so charmingly about them. Munro was a national treasure, and died at age 92 this year. I listened to her interview with Eleanor Wachtel after she passed and marveled at her writing process and her tenacity for leaving her family behind at a young age to pursue her dreams.

It defies all comprehension that she could continue to live with her husband (Andrea’s stepfather) after finding out that he abused her daughter when she was just 9 years old. People are speculating on what could explain this behaviour – some saying that she was financially dependent on him, that she couldn’t leave. It may be similar to women who stay in abusive relationships despite the risk to their children. It may be far more complex than we could ever understand. She initially left him and then returned to him months later.

Sadly her daughter was let down by every single adult in her life, having to deal with this pain on her own, and continually being exposed to her abuser. Eventually her siblings reached out and she has since had a chance to heal, through art, horses, and meditation. Her courage in sharing her story will no doubt help countless others who feel like they were also let down by those who were supposed to love, protect, and fight for them.

It makes me think of how much value we place on individuals we don’t know, and the cult of celebrity. We glamourize people because of their art, when really they are just human beings who happen to have a gift that has impacted us. We project this impact onto the person, when in reality the person may be deeply flawed and broken. There are a million examples: Michael Jackson, Roman Polanski, Louis CK, Lance Armstrong, P Diddy, R Kelly, the list goes on and on. I was really shocked to learn about Brad Pitt’s abuse of Angelina Jolie, in my head he was one of the good ones.

The craziest part is that Munro’s husband Gerry Fremlin (Andrea’s step-father) was actually charged and convicted of the crime in 2005 but still the secret didn’t leak. Her biographer Robert Thacker knew about it and chose to omit it from the biography. Andrea’s biological father also knew at the time and didn’t inform her mother until years later. I hope that Andrea fully heals and may this never happen to another child again.

The importance of speaking out reminds me of this quote from the Bible, about how all darkness held up to the light becomes light. There is no time or room for secrets or shadows.

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.
– Ephesians 5:14

My friend and I saw an amazing movie called “I used to be funny” on the weekend. It is a tragicomedy, and as she said after, “It hurt my heart”. It is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen, and despite the serious nature, it was also really funny as it features a stand-up comedian who deals with a trauma, on the path to being funny once again.