I Remember

I’m writing from the Starbucks close to where I used to work, trying to remember Monday’s walk. I didn’t take nearly enough pictures. I remember making it to Balzac’s and being paralyzed by fear as I tried to apply to a project management job at CAMH that I don’t even want. I remember walking through the MARS centre and being overcome by the energy there. I remember walking by the greenery and old U of T buildings along Queen’s park. I remember seeing Julian Barnes speak about how he lost his wife and considered ending his own. I remember reading about Azita and how she is slowly coming back to life. I remember walking through Nathan Philips Square on the way home and standing behind the fire. I remember.



The Most Powerful Statement In the Universe

I woke up this morning to the most beautiful view. I love living up so high and seeing nothing but water. I felt so grateful to be alive.

Then in the afternoon I went to tutor at CCVT. I go there every Tuesday as a volunteer for the homework club. It is a place of joy and laughter, a place where children and volunteers and the wonderful staff come together to provide a safe and nurturing environment for kids to learn and explore and play. It is so much fun to be a part of, and I’m always left in a great mood. Today I helped one of the younger children with his math homework. We learned long division and practiced his multiplication tables. The picture is of Amy who runs the program and some of the kids. So much fun!

This evening I met my friend Emilia at the Shambhala Meditation Centre. I used to go there years ago, and then like many other things I’ve started over the years, I stopped going with the intention of picking it up again when I was less busy. It’s an incredibly peaceful place and there is an overall calming energy. We did a 1-hour instructional meditation session, and then had tea and cookies and talked about things we notice about ourselves, in particular insecurities and self-defeating thoughts. One thing that I’ve noticed is that meditation has helped me over the last couple years to become less self-conscious. I am more open and generally more willing to make a fool of myself. Maybe not a good thing but life is much more interesting this way! I sometimes surprise myself with what comes out of my mouth.


On the subway ride home Emilia told me that she was reading The Power of I Am by Joel Osteen. I perked up at this, because it was a reminder of how powerful the statement “I Am” is.  It is the most powerful statement in the universe. I first encountered that wisdom while reading Conversations with God, and have noticed its effects ever since. Whatever you say following the statement I Am actually affects your reality. I have a mantra that I repeat daily, and it starts with “I am a reservoir of peace, I am an ocean of love…. “.   Much more effective than “I am a raging bitch” (which to be honest is also quite true a lot of the time).

Here is the excerpt from CWG that I’m referring to:

So, you’ve asked when your life will “take off,” and I’ve given you the answer.
You get your life to “take off” by first becoming very clear in your thinking about it.
Think about what you want to be, do, and have. Think about it often until you are
very clear about this. Then, when you are very clear, think about nothing else.
Imagine no other possibilities.

Throw all negative thoughts out of your mental constructions. Lose all pessimism.
Release all doubts. Reject all fears. Discipline your mind to hold fast to the original
creative thought.

When your thoughts are clear and steadfast, begin to speak them as truths. Say
them out loud. Use the great command that calls forth creative power: I am. Make I am
statements to others. “I am” is the strongest creative statement in the universe.
Whatever you think, whatever you say, after the words “I am” sets into motion those
experiences, calls them forth, brings them to you.

There is no other way the universe knows how to work. There is no other route it
knows to take. The universe responds to “I am” as would a genie in a bottle.

Here’s a little peak into the Shambhala centre:


New Years Resolutions

2016. A new year and exciting opportunities ahead. It was so stressful coming up with these resolutions but I finally have a list!

  1. Teach my kriya meditation to my friends or whoever is interested, and complete the Shambhavi meditation course
  2. Complete at least five toastmasters speeches
  3. Take three Creative Writing Courses at the University of Toronto
  4. Do my yearly Walk In Her Shoes campaign, this time walking 10 km once each week and blogging about my experiences
  5. Launch blog, advertise, think of ways to increase visibility
  6. Help Mom to complete her children’s book
  7. Take flamenco dancing classes at the Esmeralda Enrique Dance Company
  8. Speak to a classroom of students about my experiences with anxiety and depression
  9. Perform at a comedy club and this time actually invite my friends!
  10. Get my first project management contract either through my own consulting business or through an organization

Tools/Ongoing Practice

  1. Daily kriya meditation (2x/day)
  2. Body scan meditation (4x/week)
  3. Yoga (3x/week)
  4. Eating healthy and cooking lots