This week has been all rest and recovery for me, back in Ottawa, relishing my brother’s gourmet cooking, Mom’s comforting meals, long walks in the snow, watching movies and comedy specials with the family.
The road trip from Toronto to Ottawa was smooth sailing at first – clear roads, snow-studded pine trees lining the highways as we whizzed by – but then we saw red on Waze and stalled amongst a sea of cars. We had to reroute, since the 401 East was shut down because of an accident. It was all back roads from there, sprawling estates with extravagant Christmas decor and lights that zig-zagged across lawns. The Grinch stared at us encouragingly, not even having the heart to be menacing on a Christmas Eve already gone awry. A beautiful deer walked across the road gingerly – well suddenly for us since we had to brake pretty hard!
We watched Nate Bargatze’s special, Your Friend, and it had us in stitches. I have to say that I’m jealous now when I watch comedy, thinking how on earth did they get so good and how long did it take them? The answer is that they usually started at age 20-25, it took them 10-20 years, with lots of pitfalls along the way. In an interview Nate said he had a bad experience working with Louis CK, who actually made fun of his jokes when he was already super nervous and just starting out at 27.
Last night my mom and I watched Carry-On, and at the end we both said “stupid movie” but we secretly liked it. My mom’s theory is that these movies give terrorists ideas, but maybe they just affirm that an everyday guy can choose to do the right thing under trying circumstances. Also I noticed that the passenger’s boarding pass number ended with the number ’69’, always a reminder that my magic number is out there, and there is some order in the chaos. Like how the sun still rises and the snow falls perfectly even in this tumultuous world where humans have forgotten how to act with effortless beauty.
I’m reading the book Bittersweet by Susan Cain, an ode to those of us that are nostalgic, romanticize cities and rainy days, crunchy snow, and long for moments passed. Those of us that have one part bitter to two parts sweet, and know that you cannot fully experience one without the other. Susan also wrote the book Quiet, that I read years ago and passed along to my manager. It talks about the power of introverts, in a culture that reveres extroverts. Those who don’t speak up in meetings might be processing and synthesizing information in a different way, so that when they do speak, it comes from an informed and thoughtful place.
2024 was a great year! There was an adorable addition to the family (who I haven’t met yet), I was promoted to a new role at work, took a comedy course and did a few shows at The Comedy Bar, started a flamenco class at a new studio and learned to play the castanets….and also, there was a little bit of romance. ;-) There were also some not-so-great-things, like experiencing the dark parts of living in the Junction, and the sadness of the reality of many that are ill and roam that streets aimlessly. Hope they were well taken care of this Christmas.
I’m pretty sure that 2025 is going to be an amazing year too! I’m moving in March to an amazing place with a water view, have a flamenco dance recital in May, Sadhguru’s day retreat (he is coming to Toronto in May!), organizing my own comedy show, going to San Diego with my best friend, and lots of other fun stuff. There will also be another adorable new addition to the family!
Those are a lot of outer world things, and I’m still working on my inner world. Clarity, transformation, self-awareness, and equanimity. It’s a lifelong journey, or maybe it’s hidden in the right here, right now. Because what other moment is there?
She's Come Undone 